YTAH's Weblog


REAL-WORLD MANAGEMENT STRATEGIES (As Opposed to the Crap You Tell Your Staff)

Posted in management book,satire,work by YTAH on August 26, 2008
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A book extract courtesy of Vitriol McMalice

This month’s extract comes from

Chapter 1: Dealing with staff requests.

Perils await the unwary manager around every corner...

Perils await the unwary manager around every corner...

One of the first things you will need to do as manager is to come up with a carefully designed procedure for dealing with staff requests. This is a complicated but necessary task, as inopportune and embarrassing staff requests can come in numerous forms and may arrive at your doorstep via many different forums. Thanks to the increased accessibility offered by e-mail, cell phones, PDAs, fax machines, and other state-of-the-art technologies, a new and challenging staff request lurks around every corner, seeking whomsoever an unwary manager it may devour. No longer safe in your office, thanks to ever-intrusive technology, your seclusion is under constant threat from selfish and inconsiderate subordinates clamoring for your attention, despite your indubitable superiority over them and the mundane matters with which they concern themselves. (more…)

Your Opinion Doesn’t Mean Shit to Me.

Posted in blogs,rants by YTAH on August 20, 2008
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Being a writer means a lot of things; being a published writer means even more. It’s one thing to actually write the fucker; it’s quite another getting anybody else to damn well read it. And I should know, because I’ve written 30,000 words for you people already, and what’s the thanks I get? Cartfuls of hate mail? Death threats? Angry letters from your attorneys demanding the removal of offensive material? No. Which pretty much means that nobody is listening, doesn’t it. I mean, all Jeremy Clarkson has to do is malign Norfolk or the new Volvo and he gets thousands upon thousands of letters, and meanwhile, here I am, using the words “cunt” and “spazzwank” and “clitwart” with joyous abandon, and what is the thanks I get? One measly comment decrying my lack of good taste and sensitivity. Almighty Sekhmet, people. This truly is a third-world country; I want first-world hate mail, for fuck’s sake. Ungrateful bastards; I don’t know why I bother.

Actually, that’s a lie. (But then I lie a lot. Mostly in bed, writing this junk – but I’m lying about that, too.) I know exactly why I bother. (more…)

En nou vir iets heeltemal fokken anners.

Posted in journalism,reviews by YTAH on August 14, 2008
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In the last few weeks we’ve done the silly, we’ve done the funny, we’ve even done the obituary. We’ve also updated the site so that the links now show the current headlines. We’ll be trying to keep these more up to date from now on so that visitors can feel free to click away, safe in the knowledge that you won’t be magically transported to a different time and place – the equivalent of waking up and seeing today’s newspaper dated “July 15, 1952”. [This is for the africans site, by the way. Link at the end of the post.]

So in keeping with the atypical, today’s missive will be vaguely more serious ones, since all those cartoons are making our teeth ache already. So let’s hope you all are ready to become informed, because it’s time for our new feature:

Annals of Journalism: Crap-shooting Science (more…)

Spreading the internet love…

Posted in blogs by YTAH on August 13, 2008

So as part of my ongoing campaign to get every single person on earth to read my blog, I’ve joined the nice people over at Technorati for to be promoting my writing and shit. So here goes… Check out my profile, while you’re at it: Technorati Profile

Insulting critics

Posted in blogs,rants by YTAH on August 9, 2008
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Okay, so apparently engaging in a flame-war is both tacky and uncool, but I just can’t help myself. At least this time I’m restricting myself to a blog, where I can swear to my heart’s content. Ah, freedom of speech – isn’t it a wonderful thing? Well, no apparently not when you give it to morons.

I’ve said this before, but I hate stupid people. They piss me off. When someone has never had an original thought in their entire lives, and yet insists on blathering on and on with their stupid opinions, I have a difficult time not engaging with them. Perhaps, despite all my cynicism, I compulsively believe that people are reasonable beings and capable of rational thought, so that it should be possible to talk someone out of their horrendous ignorance and get them to see the light. Alas, my cynicism generally proves better-founded than this rather persistent, misplaced faith in rationality.

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Mediocrity blows

Posted in movies,reviews by YTAH on August 9, 2008
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Watching The Mummy 3 this week, I realized something: bad movies are easy to review. So are really good ones. The great ones acknowledge their debt to a long cinematic heritage, and they’re willing to make you think. Like great films, terrible films also provoke a specific reaction – usually, irritation or laughter. And if the film is really bad, it’s relatively simple to poke holes in the hilarious plot, or the acting, or the bad casting/costume/continuity mistakes.

The most difficult films to review are the mediocre ones, the ones that aren’t bad enough to enjoy or good enough to remember. Films that are “merely mediocre” don’t give you much to go on, frankly, and more often than not, they’re simply boring. Indifference is hard to write. (Although I’ve done that, too, when I did a review of The Incredible Hulk for my usual writing outlet, africans.co.za. I wrote one for MyChannel24.com too, but god and the admins only know what happened to it.)

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The Mummy 3: The O’Connells return, with plot holes galore.

Posted in movies,reviews by YTAH on August 6, 2008
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When you knowingly go to see a movie that features mummies – living, breathing, cognizant, undead beings made from sand and the ancient equivalent of duct tape – you are willing to put up with a certain amount of ridiculousness. You go in, as it were, with the dial on your Belief turned to “Max. Suspension”. It’s a contract you enter into with the filmmakers: you will, for the requisite hour and a half, or longer, voluntarily accept the existence of an obvious impossibility; furthermore, you will not only fail to doubt its veracity, you will also invest a great deal of emotional energy in its fate and in those of the people around it.

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Arbitrary pictures

Posted in humour by YTAH on August 5, 2008
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